


Fix You

by justlikecarlo



Category: Durarara!!, shizaya - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Graphic, M/M, Shizaya - Freeform, getting a grip on AO3, tragic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-19
Updated: 2015-02-19
Packaged: 2018-03-13 13:28:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3383303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justlikecarlo/pseuds/justlikecarlo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Is suicide a solution in fixing things? Shizuo settles for this to end his misery on Izaya's hands. But will he ever know the true contents of Izaya's heart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fix You

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! It's my first work! This is inspired on the Shizaya RP I recently done at Shamchat, and it's my first time using AO3, so forgive me if I didn't meet your expectations. I don't own Durarara!!. All rights go to Ryohgo Narita. :)
> 
> And oh... my inspiration for this oneshot is Coldplay's "Fix You". I was listening to that song while doing this, and it fits the mood! XD

It's another beautiful day at Ikebukuro. People are busy with their own errands. Going to work, going to school, meeting up for a date, meeting up for an important meeting, buying things for the house... there are just endless situations going on around the city. And here is where the most sneaky informant lives: Izaya Orihara. He gives information (even confidential) as long as he earns something from it. He gives out information for his own entertainment, and nothing is more vulnerable to his actions than his rival, Shizuo Heiwajima.

The story behind their rivalry goes way back in high school. Ever since then, they knew that they will never get along, and thus hated each other up to this day. But behind the hatred for each other... lies a feeling that Izaya can't express for him, for it may strain or make things awkward.

Izaya walks around Ikebukuro as usual, seeing and observing people as to what they might be thinking and doing. He did this on a regular basis, as part of his information gathering. As he walk by the sidewalk then down a dark alley, he sees a familiar figure. A well-built man, might be taller than him in a bartender suit and sunglasses with a cigarette on his mouth. It is indeed the guy he hates (and loves) the most, Shizuo.

"Ahhh... isn't this convenient, Shizu-chan?" Izaya teasingly said, although he is happy to see this beautiful man in front of him. He keeps on showing the traits Shizuo has hated him for.

Shizuo groans on the presence of the man he despises the most. "Convenient, my ass. How many times do I have to tell you to stay out of Ikebukuro?!"

"You can't make me leave. You know that very well, aren't you?" Izaya gave him a insulting grin.

"I can kill you. That'll make you leave forever." the bartender crunches his fists, preparing to give Izaya a beating.

"That is... IF YOU CAN KILL ME." he swings his knife, preparing his defense. Shizuo was getting really pissed, and suddenly throws a punch towards the informant. "YOU REALLY WANNA DIE, AREN'T YOU?!" he screams at the top if his lungs.

Izaya quickly defended himself, and stops the incoming fists with his own hands, and gave an insulting giggle. "My, my. You never learn, Shizu-chan."

The bartender then quickly grabs the other man's collar. "I have nothing to learn from you, fucking waste of space!" He spits the words like venom to Izaya's face like it's nothing. "Why don't you use your knife for better things?"

"Like what, Shizu-chan?" he grins, and starts to point his knife to Shizuo's neck, threatening to slit it anytime. He was hesitating at first, but he just act like he doesn't care for him.

"I would have said something like slitting your own throat, but you're the 'oh so mighty brainy one' here." irritation fills up Shizuo. Everytime he sees the guy, he remembers the things he did that made his life miserable, that's why it always ticks him off when he's at the presence of Izaya.

"It's good to know that you're aware of that." he grins. "After all, I won't be an information breaker if I'm not the "oh so brainy one" here."

Shizuo then pushed Izaya to the nearby wall with full force, leaving Izaya groaning in pain. He then wraps his hands on Izaya's neck. "You're nothing but a flea!". Deep in his thoughts, he don't know what he was doing. He was pissed, yes. But that's because Izaya keeps on acting like he don't care about him at all, which breaks his heart.

"Then what does that make you? Aren't you thinking too highly of yourself? Besides, all you do is wreck things and stuff. You're a monster." Izaya said in an insulting tone. He never wanted to say those words. He's just hiding his true feelings, and one little mistake will make things worse that it has been.

"So you think what you do is better than me wrecking things around? Don't you wreck and break and ruin lives?" Shizuo tightens his hold on Izaya's neck, but making sure he won't choke too much. "You are plaguing this city. The true monster of Ikebukuro is you."

"Gaaaaah!" Izaya groans as the man in front of his tightens his grip on his neck. Well, if he we're to die here, he's more than glad to be killed by Shizuo. "Hahahahaha! Because I like seeing people in a hunch. What's so wrong about that?!"

Shizuo can't control himself. He was being swarmed by anger and regret. He punches Izaya on his stomach, leaving the latter in pain. "The bad thing is, you ruined my life. And I have heard it is a hobby of yours to do so to other people."

"Ruined your life?" Izaya asked as if he didn't knew what Shizuo is talking about. "Hey now... you caused it yourself, after all. Don't blame me." unknown to Shizuo, Izaya slits the bartender's arm, making him bleed a little and letting go of the grip. But then, knowing how superhuman Shizuo is, he didn't mind the small cut and then pushes Izaya on the wall again. "You tried to stab me on our first meeting. You made me fail my studies and lose my jobs. Damn, you even paid TRUCK DRIVERS TO RUN ME OVER!! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT THAT I AM WHAT I AM NOW AND YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!!"

Yes, that's how terrible the things Izaya has done with Shizuo. Despite it being in the past, Izaya still can't believe he did such horrible things. Maybe it's because he just like seeing Shizuo in situations like that. Izaya is indeed a sadist... even for the man he loves.

"That's because... I like seeing you in a hunch! Seeing your reactions... it's priceless!!" he then laughs uncontrollably.

Shizuo was now more than mad. He then roared like an angry animal. "I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING TOY! I AM A HUMAN BEING! I AM NOT YOUR SHIZU-CHAN AND I AM NOT YOUR MONSTER!!!". His hands threathen to break Izaya's neck as he breathes out slowly after the sudden outburst. "Your existence, however, is pointless. No one would miss you if you suddenly dropped dead."

"Oh I beg to disagree. As you may know, I have two adorable but annoying little sisters. They will pretty much miss me if I leave~" Izaya teasingly said, although he is still struggling on the tight grip of Shizuo. "And come on... my existence is pointless? You might not know this, but there are people who seeks my help. And won't you miss me when I'm gone?" he then teasingly caresses Shizuo's cheeks. It was smooth. He always wanted to do that, but was unable to due to the hatred Shizuo feels for him.

Shizuo spits in Izaya's face in disgust, letting go of him to get away from the gross touch. "Not for an instant would I miss you." he then looked away in quite an embarrassment.

Izaya laughs. "You're not honest, Shi~zu~chan~"

"You're lying to yourself, flea. You'd be the one missing me if I was gone." Shizuo said. It quite shocked Izaya since he never expected that to be said by the guy he had his eyes on. Well... if Shizuo indeed died, Izaya never knows if his heart can take that.

"Hmmm... well yeah. I don't have any toy to play on~" he grins. For the longest time, Izaya have played on Shizuo for his own entertainment, yet it seems that the bartender always manages to survive everything Izaya does on him.

Shizuo flinches and looks away in quite a disturbed face. "You disgust me. Admit it. You'd be miserable without me. You would be NOTHING."

Yes he is. HE WILL BE MISERABLE.

"What if I tell you... that what you said is true, Shizu-chan? What will you do?" he smiled. He's quite happy that he said those words, quite wishing it was true.

'Now that I finally understand how fucking twisted in the mind you are." he chuckled. "I guess I'll stop acting like you want me to. Or I'll disappear. You know. I kinda think there can only remain one of us."

Izaya frowned a bit. He really does want to get out of the misery he has created for him. Why did he even started it in the first place? "Heh. You think I'd let you disappear on me like that, Shizu-chan? Think again."

"Unless you want to control whether I disappear or not. Sounds like a fun game, heh?" Shizuo grins.

Ah. A game. Izaya likes games. But then...

"Well, I don't want you to disappear."

"Oh, I know that. But I can play this game on my own. I'm your toy, right ? So if I "accidentally" happened to be broken, no more games." Shizuo huffed on his cigarette. Izaya was getting an idea on what he's saying. He really did want to get out of this.

"That's easy. I'll just fix you again and again." Izaya grins, although it makes him sad that once he disappear in his life, it will make him depressed.

"You are not a god. You can't fix what is dead."

I knew it. That's what Izaya thought. He really is intending to kill himself just to get out of Izaya's life. "Then I won't let you die. I told you right? I won't let you disappear on me."

"Stupid flea." Shizuo groans, starting to get irritated on him again. "Look. It's like I'm already gone. The drugs don't work, but your knife... It could be put to better use... Remember?"

Izaya sighs. "Okay, okay. Then I'll put this knife into "good use". Happy?"

"Then start now." Shizuo demanded. He was thinking that Izaya might slit himself with his knife, then he'll decide if he will stab Shizuo or not. But what Izaya did is he throws the knife at the nearest trash bin, thinking that the knife is nothing but a deadly weapon, and thinks that Shizuo might get it from him and stab himself and puts the blame on him. "There.

"You really are more stupid than I thought. I suggested you slit your own throat when I said "better use". Then you decided you'd slit mine. So do it. Slit it."

"You're close to immortal right? Slits like that won't work on you." Izaya looks down on the ground. Even if he stab him a hundred times, it's almost impossible to kill him because Shizuo's body is just indestructable. "And even if the both of us die, I can't play with you in heaven..."

With these words, there is an odd, dark glow in Shizuo's eyes. "Sleeping meds don't work either."

"See? Whatever you do, it's hard to kill you." Izaya then wandered his eyes around. It was past 9pm and the people are more active by this time of night.

"A stab to the heart or a bullet to the head could work...", Shizuo's voice is barely above a whisper. Why is he acting like this? He's not his usual self. Did he eat something different today? He's seems kinder today... that's are the thoughts circulating the bartender's head right now.

"Naaaah. Like you would let yourself get stabbed to the heart right? You didn't even reacted when I slit your neck. What more is a stab in the heart or a bullet to the head?" True. Why would he even let himself get stabbed if he's that crazy strong?

"What about too many painkillers? Or a fall from this huge building? Who could survive that?" Shizuo is really suggesting ways to kill him. He wants to get out of this so bad even though it's hard for him to.

"Normal people won't. But knowing you? It's not enough." Izaya giggles, neglecting the fact that Shizuo's suggesting suicide ideas.

Fine. Let's find out together, then, if you wanna play." The bartender opens his hand. "Your knife."

Izaya frowns. He's really serious about this. "Hmmm... you're really going to do this? Okay." The informant gets to the trash can and gets the knife

Didn't you understand I've been sharing my ideas on how to kill myself with you for about half an hour now?" He then quickly grabs the knife. "Fucking stupid flea."

Knowing he's about to stab himself, the informant quickly grabs the knife back, not wanting the other guy to do it. "I see. But then again... I'll tell you once again. I won't let you disappear on me." his voice is a little serious now.

"Oh yes, you will." Shizuo said. "You will fail because guess what? After playing with me so many times, you've finally broken me. It is your fault. It's not a suicide. It's a murder. And you're guilty." There is nothing more true than that. If he kills himself here, Izaya is the one to blame. He keeps on playing on Shizuo like he's his puppet or something. It's only natural that he feels that way.

Izaya hides his knife. "Is that so?" he then takes a step closer to the other guy. "Then... I'll just fix you again."

Fix me ? Have you ever fixed me before? Shizuo lets out a dry laugh. "You're only good at destroying." Yes, he only good at that. He won't deny that. But that's because it's his job. Shizuo was a special exception.

Izaya pulls his shirt near him. "I can. And if I do... what will you do?" he puts his face near him. Izaya can feel Shizuo's breath. It smells like cigarette, but he couldn't care less.

"Don't you try and kiss me and hope it will make it all better. You are unable of loving anyone or anything."

Those words.

The painful truth.

Yes, he is indeed unable to love anyone... even Shizuo. Even if he does, he can't express it for he has no courage for it, no matter how tough-looking he is.

Izaya frowns. "How mean. I do have a heart too, you know."

Shizuo slaps him as hard as he can. He cannot believe the words Izaya has just said. "IF YOU HAD ONE YOU WOULD NOT BE SUCH A SICK BASTARD AND I WOULD NOT FEEL THE URGE TO PUT AN END TO WHAT YOU'VE MADE OF MY LIFE!!!!, he shouted at the top of his lungs in anger. Why is he so annoying and dense?

Izaya feels the intensity of the slap. It hurts. It's as painful as those words thrown to him. "Ah. I see." is the only reply he can utter. He realized that he's really a terrible person. He has no right in loving him.

This is my chance. I need to tell him what I feel... before it's too late. That's what Izaya is thinking. He need to do something, or he'll regret it for the rest of his life.

"You see nothing. I'm going home. Keep your knife and do whatever you want with it." Shizuo then walks away slowly, leaving Izaya standing alone.

"Oh." Izaya lets out a depresses chuckle. "Then you'll just walk away like that? Pathetic."

Pathetic who? Izaya? Shizuo? or the both of them? Shizuo looks back at the informant. "You're right. I am. So that's your last word to me?"

"One more thing. Don't you dare kill yourself." he looks at him with a serious face.

"Why do you think I'm going home? Are you that clueless?" Shizuo sighs. He really is dense.

"Ah, I know. I'll go home with you, so I can make sure you don't kill yourself." he grins. He wants to make sure that he won't kill himself when he's not looking.

"At one condition."

Izaya is surprised. He's giving him a condition? "And what that might be?"

"Show me your knife."

Izaya looked at him with a confused look. "Then?"

"Just hold it in front of me. That's it." What was he planning? He's not thinking of killing himself, right? Izaya sighs. "You're still not giving up on killing yourself?"

"I just want you to show me your knife. I won't take it from you."

"Oh. Okay." Just what is Shizuo planning? Even with a confused mind, Izaya reluctantly holds the knife up. Shizuo then quickly grabs both of Izaya's wrists in an unescapable grip, almost breaking them.

"Oy! The hell are you doing?!" Izaya is trying to remove his hands from Shizuo's grip but is unable to. He's just that crazy strong. The next moments scarred Izaya's memory for life. Shizuo did it. He drives Izaya's wrists to his own chest, where he uses all his strength to plunge the knife to his chest, aiming for his heart.

In the end. Shizuo really did attempt to kill himself... although Izaya is the one holding the knife. He was not giving up on the freedom he always wanted. And now... he is finally free.

"TCH. YOU IDIOT!!" Izaya groans and quickly takes back the knife from his heart. He was so pissed at himself, not having any idea that he might do that. "I'M SO STUPID FOR BELIEVING IN YOU!"

Shizuo just smiled faintly as he feels the blade had gone deep enough. "So naive..."

"YOU REALLY ARE STUPID! DAMMIT!" Izaya then holds him in his arms for support for he might fall down anytime now. The blood gushes from the wound, spilling all over the ground and their clothes. "That's your fault..."

"Dammit!" Izaya is almost teary eyed in the situation Shizuo is in now. He was not able to avoid the knife from him. Shizuo is right... Izaya really is indeed naive. And he hates himself for that.

Shizuo voice was a little raspy while groaning to the pain of his deep wound. "So? Still think you can... Fix me...?"

"Not like this... you jerk!" Izaya didn't waste another second as he quickly calls for an ambulance. His tears starts forming in his eyes, drowning in despair seeing the man he truly cares about is in 50/50 state of living or dying.

Shizuo then drops to his knees as he can't stand anymore. "You don't really love me."

Those words stabbed Izaya's heart more. It was more painful than the stab he did to Shizuo. Finally breaking down, Izaya decided to tell him the truth, even though he didn't want to say it in this situation. "YES I DO YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT!" tears starts falling down from his eyes. He caresses his face, seeing the smile forming on Shizuo's face, meaning he have achieved the freedom he always wanted. If he had knew, he would have just let him go... if that will make him happy, even if it means letting go of his own happiness.

"If you did you'd let me go... You wouldn't hold me back for your own entertainment..." the smile on Shizuo's face turns into a frown when he sees tears falling from Izaya's eyes. "Izaya-kun?"

Izaya-kun? Did he just called me with a honorific? That was the first time he did that. Izaya was the one who likes giving nicknames to the people he cares about, thus the reason for the nickname 'Shizu-chan'.

"I know! I know! It was hard for me to say these feelings! So I had to hide it! I'm sorry..." Izaya feels nothing but regret and sadness now for letting the guy he loves hates him to the point that he wants to kill himself. Izaya then lays his face down his chest, not minding the blood staining his clothes and face.

"Izaya... What you did... It's not the right way to show someone you love them... If I had- If I had known sooner I... I wouldn't have hidden my feelings either."

"W-What do you mean?" Izaya sniffs, putting up his face in confusion.

"I... have l-loved you too... I just... can't say it." his voice starts to get more and more raspy from his situation.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME SOONER?! I should have... I should have... been more honest!" Izaya can't help but feel more sad. He was being loved back, yet he didn't noticed at all. He was so mad at himself. "Knowing that... you know it breaks my heart!" he then cries more.

"Izaya... I won't make it til the ambulance arrives if you-... Press your hands on my wound. Keep me alive long enough. I love you. Fix me." Shizuo is struggling to stay alive for the man he loves.

Izaya then quickly pressed his hands, hoping it will somewhat stop the blood from coming out. "Please!! Don't say that! I'LL FIX YOU! I PROMISED, RIGHT?!"

_When you try your best, but you don't succeed_  
_When you get what you want, but not what you need_  
_When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep_  
_Stuck in reverse_  
  
_And the tears come streaming down your face_  
_When you lose something you can't replace_  
_When you love someone, but it goes to waste_  
_Could it be worse?_  
  
_Lights will guide you home_  
_And ignite your bones_  
_And I will try to fix you_

"Y-Yes you promised... Keep pressing on my wound... Maybe after you fix me we can... We can fix the mess we both made all these years..." Shizuo then lets out a faint smile. He was glad that he got out of his misery... but then, it might cost his life.

"Yes... yes! I will. I'll fix all the things we messed up..." he then caressed the cheeks of the wounded man and put their foreheads together. Minutes later, the ambulance arrived. Izaya then let the ambulance personnel takes care of Shizuo. They have given him first aid and other more things to keep Shizuo alive.

Shizuo closes his eyes as he lets himself be taken care of. "Izaya- If this is good bye... Our final good bye... I don't want to go before kissing you. Please kiss me. Say you love me. Please. Tell me it's true."

Izaya once again cried on the words Shizuo has said. Is he really saying goodbye? Izaya can't accept that. Not until they fixed everything they messed up in the past. "No... please... stop saying that!! I love you!! YES I DO LOVE YOU SHIZUO!" the strong feeling of love swarmed Izaya's heart and he is thinking of nothing that seeing Shizuo srvive this. He accept the request of the wounded man, he dives in and gives him an honest and tender kiss. it happened. The kiss he wanted to give Shizuo for a long time. He's wishing that it is enough to give him enough will to live.

Shizuo then kisses back softly. He didn't want it to stop, he wants to feel more of Izaya, but he has to break it for a while when he is taken into the ambulance.

Izaya just watched the ambulance take Shizuo away to the hospital. "Don't you dare give in, Shizuo! Stay alive... for me." tears keeps on falling on Izaya's eyes. He never did it before, but for the first time, he truly loved someone wholeheartedly.

After the incident, Izaya surrendered to the police, saying it was his fault why he was stabbed. He lets himself in prison for a couple of months. He wholeheartedly accepted the consequences of his actions. But knowing that it's because of his mistakes in love, he didn't really cared for how long he will stay in there. Much to his surprise, after being discharged in the hospital and surviving the stab, Shizuo decided to help Izaya get released to the prison, which happened. After those stupid things they did in the past, both Izaya and Shizuo are making efforts in fixing the mess they did. And thus, they went on with their lives.... happy together. We can safely say... they have FIXED EACH OTHER.

_And high up above or down below_  
_When you're too in love to let it go_  
_But if you never try you'll never know_  
_Just what you're worth_

_Tears stream down your face_  
_When you lose something you cannot replace_  
_Tears stream down your face_  
_And I..._

_Lights will guide you home_  
_And ignite your bones_  
_And I will try to fix you_

 

~FIN~

 


End file.
